The Sonic '06 parody!
by GamerGirl54321
Summary: A parody of Sonic Next Gen for the laughs. Rated T for cursing, exaggerated everything, and my paranoia.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hello, all, and welcome to my wonderful mockery of Sonic '06! It goes by many names, Sonic '06, Sonic Next Gen, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, the worst Sonic game ever to be created... By the way, I personally, loved this game, but I also love poking fun at games and criticizing them to death, so here we are! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Sonic Underground and their music, any of these characters, Soleanna, the game plot, etc.**

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_Chapter 1_

It was Soleanna's greatest (and only) celebration. All the townspeople were crowded along the sides of the river. There was a boat floating along, it had a teenage girl on it waving like the diva she was. She had gotten a haircut that she had gotten from a butcher store, and some of the feathers got stuck in her red hair. To make it seem more natural, she had put other various decorations in it. Although this made her seem like a strange Christmas ornament, no one commented. She was wearing a white dress that barely covered her. She had on high heels.

The boat slowed to a stop as it reached the altar. It was large, and had an engraving of an eagle on it. No one knew what this eagle was for. The girl stepped off the boat, went up the stairs, and was handed a torch. This torch had magical properties that made people hallucinate, so the moment that the teen looked into it, she saw the city being consumed by a fire produced by a comically large beast. She began floating up somehow until she was at eye level with this demon, and it looked at her, and roared at her in the face, its fiery spit about to reach her-

"Miss Elise?" one of the concerned priestesses asked, for Elise had been zoning out for over ten minutes.

"It...it's all right," Elise reassured even though she felt nauseated. "We give thanks to the blessed flames. May we always continue to have peace. Sun of Soleanna, guide and watch over us with your eternal light." And she brought the torch to the altar, setting the display on fire. _That was pointless, why do we do that every year?_ the princess wondered as fireworks exploded in the sky, lighting up the night with their majestic glow-

And then everything went to hell.

Bombs that came from the sky suddenly exploded, knocking Elise and everyone else on the platform over. A large man with a bald head, red coat, tight, shiny black pants, and large mustache flew down in a hovercraft.

"Greetings, princess of Soleanna," he greeted while arbitrary menacing music played in the background. "I am Doctor Eggman, as you should know, since I blew up half of the moon with a cannon. Seriously, don't you know me? Anyway, I have come here to kidnap you for my diabolical plan that will most likely fail! Haha!" He took a step forward and pointed at Elise. "However, for my plan to go wrong, I will need the Gems of Eternity-er, the Chaos Emeralds! Now, princess..." He gestured behind him. "This way, please."

Elise slowly shook her head and stepped back as any clichéd damsel in distress would. Suddenly, a green wind swirled up all around, circling the altar. It came to a stop at a ledge, and Elise was surprised, to say the least. A green hedgehog with hair that looked like bats riding a hoverboard! What was this?! Then, a pink blur did the same, stopping next to the green one. A pink hedgehog on a motorbike? Finally, a blue blur - a blue wind, really - circled around, and stopped in front of the other two. This one was (surprise, surprise) a blue hedgehog. They then pulled out musical instruments, introduced themselves as the "Sonic Underground", started playing a bad song apparently called "Society Girl", and-

And then Elise snapped back to reality. There was only a blue one, and she felt Déjà vu. Was that...?

It destroyed all the robots, ran up to Elise, and said, "I'm Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog!" in a rather nasal voice, then picked up the princess bridal style and ran off.

"Waaaaaaah! I'm being kidnapped by a blue porcupine thingy!" Elise yelled as Sonic dodged missiles. "Heeeeelp!"

"Shut up! I'm trying to help you!" Sonic yelled over the wind somehow (Shouldn't traveling at the speed of sound stop sound? Meh), narrowly missing another projectile.

"Unhand me, felon!" Elise cried dramatically. She then pulled a purse out of nowhere and started whacking him with it.

"Gyah! Stop! Do you want to DIE?!" Sonic asked, still running.

Overlooking this scene, a silver hedgehog whos hair looked like a four-leaf clover clenched his fist. "I've finally found him. The Iblis Trigger. Wait, why did I say that?"

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** A/N So that's the first chapter! Hope you enjoyed! Review? This is my first fanfiction that I've uploaded, so some feedback would be nice. See y'all next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Welp, here's chapter 2. Fast, right? Yay!**

**Review replies:**

**Lost and Forgotten Memories: Thanks! And I actually watched the cutscene this time rather than going from memory alone, so it'll hopefully be better than the last :)**

**shade25: I JUST DID :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, setting, plot, etc. blah blah blah stuff**

**So anyway, here's chapter twooooooooo!**

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_Chapter 2_

**Meanwhile, in a remote snowy forest somewhere...**

Rock music and alarms blared as jet shoes blazed, melting the snow as they cut through. Shadow the Hedgehog, ultimate life form and overall badass was trying to get into Eggman's base in a remote place. Hey, that rhymes! ...Ahem, anyway...

Many robots, who were for some reason standing in a perfect rectangle, shot at the hedgehog. The bullets deflected off his fur (god, it felt weird writing that) and he blasted through them, jumped on one's head, and used it as a launching pad, using his momentum to jump over the wall surrounding the base. He landed in the most badass way possible - hitting the ground in a crouch just as the robot he had stepped on exploded. He turned, hid behind some containers. He made sure that the spotlight was away from him (he didn't need all those fangirls catching him, after all), then looked at the ring on his wrist.

The radio transceiver turned on. "Transmission from HQ. There's an SOS coming from Dr. Eggman's base. Our last communication with our agent was 26 hours ago, so get your lazy ass over there before I fire you!"

"Why the hell did you tell me that? Why else would I be here?" the hedgehog asked in his badass voice.

"Shut up and rescue her! Shadow the Hedgehog."

"Did I _really_ need to be reminded of my own damn _name_?" Shadow growled.

"Yes! Shut up and do the mission!"

"Then will you finally give me that DAMN fourth Chaos Emerald?"

"Yeah, yeah." The radio turned off

"Damn, that was pointless... Anyway..." And he used his badass powers to teleport away. Why he didn't do that from the start is something we may never understand.

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**A/N yeah, it was a short chapter, sorry 'bout that, but it was a short cutscene! And as you can see, I'm one of those fangirls who wants to find Shadow (XD). R&R?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N So the internet died the other day, otherwise this would have been up sooner...**

**Review replies!**

**Aurawarior13: I...The bullets, they deflected-HOW IS THAT ****NOT ****WEIRD?!**

**Lost and Forgotten Memories: Yeah, the GUN soldiers always seemed a bit touchy to me :)**

**ProwerPower85: I can just imagine your teacher's face if you did XD I almost did that once, it was scary.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Silver, Blaze, blah blah blah we've been through this already**

**So here's chapter threeeeeee!**

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_Chapter 3_

As sad, eerie music played in the background, a white hedgehog floated along above the lava, surveying the city. Yes, you heard me right. FLOATED. What is this world turning into?

Anyway, he was floating along, emitting a strange blue light-YES, that IS a thing! Stop interrupting me!

"This world was devastated before I was born," he began. "A harsh, bleak place where we live in eternal darkness. Life is a struggle, and people live without hope. How did this happen? No one will answer me directly, because they think I'm too gay to know. But I'm not gay! That's not why my voice is weird!

"But they always point *pause for suspense* to the flames. As if that'll tell me anything. I mean, that's why I ask in the first-"

Suddenly, a spire of fire - hey, that rhymes too! - swirled up. The hedgehog used his power to force it down. What? No, he wasn't going to puke. Why did you say that?

"These flames," he continued. "They burn away at my world, destroying everything in their path. They come from an eternal life form that we can not truly defeat. The ultimate life form known as Shadow the Hedge-oh wait, that's my dad. I mean, the Flames of Disaster, known as Iblis... Wait, who am I talking to?"

"Silver!" a feminine voice called out.

"Blaze! What's wrong?" he asked, turning around to look at the purple feline.

"He's appeared again!" she replied, pointing somewhere.

Silver then completely disregarded Blaze and used his power to slingshot himself to where Blaze had directed him.

"H-hey WAIT! I POINTED IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!" Blaze yelled. But it was too late; Silver was too far to hear her.

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**A/N Disregarding Blaze, Silver? Nice going... :P R&R?**


	4. Chapter 4

**EDIT: Fixed some grammar and such.**

**A/N So, uh... I, er, forgot to update this... PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! *ahem* Anyways, here's the next chapter (and the longest so far, too...). By the way, line breaks will now also serve as loading screens.**

**Review replies:**

**Lost and Forgotten Memories: Yeah, well, in my defense, I... Uh... Actually, you're right... And with Silver, I don't have anything against gay people (I support all that) but yeah.**

**ProwerPower85: HE IS NOT A POTHEAD OR A PORCUPINE!**

**AgentDolly: That's what I think too, but Silver isn't my favorite character, sorry.**

**knic99: Yeah, random purses are always fun :P**

**Zeru-Chan: SatBK reference, we never did find out who his mom is. But since that game took place in a book (I think...), I guess it doesn't count :P**

**So, on with the show!**

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_Chapter 4_

Elise had stopped trying with the purse, and was now focusing on not falling out of Sonic's arms. _Once you get past the whole "I'm a random kidnapper porcupine" thing, he's kinda cute, _thought Elise.

"So, uh... Why are you kidnapping me?" Elise asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"I'm not kidnapping you! I'm helping you!" Sonic said indignantly. "And, well... No special reason." He took a scarily long jump across a river - a _river_, goddamn it - and landed perfectly. Somehow.

"Hey, what happened to you? You look like _plastic_ now," said Elise.

"Huh? Oh, uh... That seems to happen after the introductions. By the way, your necklace looks like you glued it to your skin. Your name?"

"Elise the living Plot Device, but most people just call me Princess Carrot Legs," Elise replied.

"Oh. Well, little secret... I'm not actually Sonic. See my eyes, how they're green? You see, my name is actually Roger-"

"Sonic!" Elise cried out, pointing ahead of them. Four generic black-and-silver robots were ahead of them.

Sonic set Elise down and homing-attacked them, breaking all known rules of physics, gravity, and the world. This wouldn't be the last time, however.

Elise suddenly cried out, and Sonic (or Roger, whatever) whirled around. Eggman's weird robot thing with hands had Elise in its grip. How it managed to follow them unnoticed is a mystery we may never solve.

"I'm afraid our little game ends now," said Doctor Eggman with a smug look on his face. Oh, Eggman. If only you knew.

Struggling to get her hands free, Elise pulled out a blue Chaos Emerald - and trust me, you don't want to know where she was keeping it. "Sonic! Take this!" she yelled, throwing it. However, she missed, and it hit Sonic on the head, knocking him out.

Eggman retained his relaxed look, and he put his hand out. "Hm. It's only a matter of time before it's mine. Until then, you can hold onto it for me." The same menacing music from before started playing again as Eggman's machine flew up into his aircraft. It then concluded, leaving the reader to wonder where exactly the music was coming from.

* * *

A few hours passed, and Sonic woke up, somehow standing at the foot of a bell tower with a small pool around it. He looked around in confusion, then said something that made no sense:

"Collect information about Doctor Eggman!

"Huh, that was weird. I wonder why I said-

"What's Eggman up to...? I need to gather some information!"

An awkward moment followed as a little boy and his mother waked by.

"Mommy! Mommy! That porcupine is talking to himself!"

The woman looked over and nervously guided her child away from Sonic.

Sonic scratched his head, confused. "What was that? ...Whatever, I should probably listen to me..." He started down the path. A random dog barked at him, which he ignored. He eventually found a two-tailed yellow fox standing there, looking around.

* * *

"Sonic!" the fox yelled, jumping in the air with his arms outstretched for no apparent reason.

"Tails! Long time no see!" Sonic replied with a salute.

"I'm glad you're here. I heard that you tried to save their princess from Doctor Eggman!"

"Yeah, she was a female dog," Sonic muttered, turning away and crossing his arms.

"You're going to rescue her, aren't you?" Tails asked. "Let me help! I may not know what Eggman's up to, but it can't be a good thing!"

"Thanks, Captain Obvious! We really needed that!"

"What was that?"

"Err, okay! With your help, this should be a piece of cake!" Sonic said nervously with a thumbs-up. He then slapped Tails on the arm and ran away.

"Hmm, I wonder why his voice wasn't in time with his mouth movements?" Tails wondered, taking off after Sonic.

* * *

A random floating question mark next to an _incredibly_ large silver coin thing were positioned behind a barrel. Sonic took the coin and poked the question mark.

"This is a silver medal!" the magic punctuation started.

"Waaugh!" Sonic yelled, jumping back (which got him even more weird looks).

"They are scattered all over Soleanna. It may be hard to collect them all!" the mark said.

After making sure that it was done talking, Sonic wiped his hand across his forehead. "Phew. I guess that these things are the Omochao of this place...at least that stupid robot isn't here."

He then turned around and went to the shop. "Hello? I'd like to buy the light dash, because mine is broken," he said.

"I'm sorry, but your account is empty." replied the person at the counter.

"What?! That's impossible! I didn't even give you my credit card yet!"

"Sorry, sir," the worker replied, the turned around, pretending to organize some boxes. In actuality, he was making sure that the rings he had stolen from Sonic were niiiiiiiiice and hidden.

"Grr... Stupid humans... I spend too much time around Shadow, don't I..." Sonic thought aloud.

An old man suddenly waved them over. "I'll give you 100 rings if you test out my shoes," he offered.

"YOUR shoes? I'm sorry, sir, but they probably won't fit me," he answered, looking down at their feet.

"No, not the ones I'm wearing! I made some other shoes!"

"Oh, fine. What could possible go wrong?"

* * *

Sonic looked around. He had been next to the shop just a moment ago... What had happened? He was right back where he started! _These people must have magical powers_, he thought.

"Put on the shoes, and go through the rings!" the old man said.

* * *

"Go through all the rings in time!" Sonic suddenly blurted out, then clapped his hands over his mouth. _Why do I keep saying things? I need to see a doctor..._

He looked down, as his sneaker felt untied, but then jumped back. "_Why _am I wearing ballet shoes?" he wondered aloud. Indeed, he now sported a pair of pink slippers, complete with white socks.

He turned his head up. Red rings faced him. _Well, I guess I'd better listen to myself again..._, he thought.

* * *

"Amazing! The shoes are a success! The fastest runner in the world, with the best shoes inthe world! I'm so happy! Keep them!" the old man ranted.

"Yeah, uh, how do you get them off?" Sonic asked, desperate to take off the slippers.

"You don't!" the old man replied happily, dancing around. Suddenly, he fell on his face in a dead faint.

Later, his gravestone would read, "R.I.P. Alberto Jogger He made shoes till the end".

Sonic facepalmed. The shoes were a size too small, and his feet already hurt. This was going to be a long journey...

* * *

After purchasing the Light Dash skill from the shop, Sonic went over to a trail of rings over the ocean and perched on the ledge. He gulped. Water was not his strong suit, unlike the real Sonic...

"Well? Go!" Tails said impatiently, then pushed him off.

"Waaaugh!" Sonic yelled, floundering, but rather than falling, he floated across the water. Landing safely, he looked around in wonder. Tails flew after him.

"Well, here goes," Sonic said, then jumped into the mirror. The mirror didn't work, however, and he hit his head again, fainting once more.

* * *

Sonic woke up hanging from a ledge somehow and looked around, realizing where he was as he saw the water. This was going to be a long day...

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**A/N Okay, I lied, the NEXT chapter will be Wave Ocean, I swear. Err...hehehe... R&R?**


	5. Chapter 5

**EDIT: As of April 30, 2014, this chapter had been edited for grammar mistakes I didn't catch before.**

**A/N Hey guys! Early update, right? Yeah, I felt kinda guilty about not updating for, like, two weeks, so yeah. Also, as of April 8, 2014, Elise's introduction in the previous chapter has changed. And I'm calling those "speed up" things dash pads. I don't care whether I'm right or not. Deal with it.**

**...:P**

**Review Replies:**

**ParadoxalMindElla1: Thanks!**

**SYLVEONLORDKYUREMEPIC: Really? What are the first and second? I WANNA READ THEM :O And you actually FAINTED? Damn. Sorry for getting you in trouble.**

**shade25: I dunno, just thought it would be funny.**

**knic99: I will. *attempts to retain poker face, miserably fails***

******Disclaimer: I believe we've been through this already**

**So on to the next chapter!**

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_Chapter 5_

**Wave Ocean**

Sonic stared at the loop ahead of him, unsure what to do. He was somehow standing sideways, and could apparently jump from that position without falling.

Suddenly, he said "I've got to hurry and save Elise!" (against his will, of course, as he had an immense dislike of the teenage princess) and ran forward (also without meaning to).

Sonic cried out "WATER!" in fright, as he couldn't swim like the real Sonic, but soon found that he could ride on the aqua liquid. Coming up to a bit of land, he gratefully ran up it, only to be catapulted up.

"WAAAAAAUGH!" he yelled, landing with his abnormally large head stuck in the sand. He feebly attempted to get out, but failed. He was soon fired out of the sand by a robot. He homing attacked it and its two counterparts (after all, they're too generic to get a REAL action scene) and jogged towards the next loop. A dash pad was positioned at the loop's base, and Sonic was, once more, flung forward to another stretch of somehow-not-letting-him-fall water. He went to the second loop in it, as the first was to close to reach comfortably, but because of the lack of a dash pad, he stopped when he was completely upside down.

Looking around confused, Sonic turned his head up and saw the water he had been gliding on just moments earlier. Suddenly feeling rather nauseated, he jumped to get down, momentarily forgetting his fear of H2O. When that (somehow) didn't work, Sonic concluded that Soleanna was filled with dark magic and sorcerers, and that they wouldn't let him leave until he rescued their princess.

Taking a deep breath, Sonic assessed the situation quietly. He then came up with a plan to get away.

"HEY! TAILS! GET YOUR *** OVER HERE!" he yelled.

Suddenly, a wild TORNADO appeared! TORNADO used MEGAPHONE! MEGAPHONE told FAKESONIC to run forward!

After heeding the Pokémon's advice, Sonic succeeded in getting down. He rode the water the rest of the way to the beach.

Using the dash pad available, he took hold of an iron rod and swung, jumping off as soon as he got the correct angle. Not that that made sense since his eyes shouldn't have been able to tell, but hey, physics don't matter here, right?

Landing on a grassy area, he quickly defeated the robot waiting for him with a homing attack and ran to the checkpoint.

Sonic homing attacked to a spring and wall-jumped a few times, landing on a grinding rail. The rail sent him to a spring, which in turn bounced him to another hill. After getting past it and passing through the checkpoint, Sonic was thrown into the I-don't-agree-with-you-physics-so-you-can-go-to-hell water and skimmed to a small bridge.

Using a spring to jump to the next part of the well-worn bridge (lord knows why it was there in the first place), Sonic ran as fast as he could as he sensed a presence underneath him. Soon enough, an orca straight out of SA1 came out of the water, destroying part of the bridge, and began to chase Sonic down the bridge. Sonic made it through, but after reaching the end of the bridge, yelled "Jump!" (thanks, Captain Obvious) and jumped (oh, how surprising) until the only thing left to jump to...was the orca's fin.

"Tails! Go ahead and find the gate switch so he doesn't get out!" Sonic yelled to Tails, who was conveniently waiting on an island near the now-destroyed bridge.

"Okay, Sonic! I'll be right back!" Tails answered, then took off, island hopping until he reached another bridge. yeah, smart thinking, Tails! Because Sonic _clearly_ didn't just get KIDNAPPED BY AN KILLER WHALE ON A BRIDGE JUST LIKE THIS ONE!

But because Tails couldn't break the fourth wall, he just flew over the bridge because I have author powers and don't want Tails die and be horribly mutilated. Hey, I'm not THAT sadistic. Landing on the island, he wasted no time in throwing his fake rings at the robots there, thus destroying them (WTF). He then hovered up to a platform, destroyed the robots there, and repeated the process for the next, higher platform. Touching the switch that he hoped would close the gate, he squeezed his eyes shut, knowing he couldn't bear it if it didn't work.

"Thank you, Tails! You saved me!" Sonic voice rang out clear to the ears of the young fox, and he cheered.

Sonic, meanwhile, jumped over the gate anyway. Why he needed Tails to close the gate is a mystery even he can't solve. (In fact, the Chaotix tried, to no avail.)

* * *

"Darn! We're not gonna make it! Let's speed up!" Sonic yelled (without meaning to). He then took off. It wasn't at the speed of sound, but it sure was fast.

He went between pillars, using dash pads, but eventually hit his arm on a rock. He then promptly began to break dance. "Wha- WHY AM I BREAK DANCING?!" Sonic yelled, but dismissed it as the dark magic of Soleanna's doing.

After reaching a bridge, Sonic used a spring to jump to a lighthouse nearby, then wall-jumped twice, his feet somehow hovering above the walls rather than staying on them. He landed on a bridge and continued running. Reaching a beach, he jumped over the robots there as he was going to fast to safely destroy them (OXYMORONS FTW), went up another bridge, ran on the dash pad there, and went to a larger loop. he went around it, and he was almost there...!

But then the missed the dash pad by 0.0000000000000000000001 millimeters and fell into the ocean.

After repeating the whole section (corny dialogue included), he reached this point again, and tried once more. After failing a second time, he repeated this until he was on his last life, life 0 (don't question the logic) and somehow succeeded. A couple of large, conveniently placed buldings later, and Sonic had reached the goal ring.

One result screen later, and he let go of the awkward "backward thumbs-up) posture, panting heavily.

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**A/N And all of that was from memory, except for one word in the dialogue. I have a poll on my profile, could you guys go vote on it? R&R! One last thing, could someone criticize me? I'm doing this for fun, but also to get better as a writer, and I'd like to know my weak points so I can improve them. That said, all flamers welcome :P See y'all real soon!**


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